Talking Point with Gazette chief reporter Ron Harris

HAVE ye ever had wan o’ yon mad moments when you dint your reason altigither and say or dae something totally ootrageous just tae see the stramash it causes?

Yon dangerous urges come ower me far too often and they range frae whistling Danny Boy walking doon Union Street in Larkie tae, memorably, using they three taboo words ‘Lanark Gala Day’ in the middle o’ a Lanimer Committee meeting.

However, this place in your Gazzy is aboot the only wan where ah play it safe and that has led tae this column being a total failure for fifteen years.

Y’see, the original idea mah Former Good Lady Editor had was for me tae write something so totally oot-o’-order every week that her Letters to the Editor page wid be constantly fu’ up wae angry readers complaining aboot whit a total numptie ah was.

Sadly, ah failed miserably in this task as ah just instinctivly found mahsel’ writing whit maist folk were thinking oot oan the high streets o’ Clydesdale.

Ah think there’s been only twa letters o’ complaint provoked by yon 700-plus columns ower the years - and wan o’ THEM was frae mah ain mither in Carnwath!

Onyway, a’hm going tae put things tae rights this week by making a declaration that ah reckon gey few o’ ye will agree wae; I am wan-hunner-percent in favour o’ them blawin’ up the Red Road Flats at the kick-aff of the Commonwealth Games.

There; ah’ve said it and ah’ll gie you mah reasons later.

Noo, ah undertaund that the Games committee have bowed tae pressure and drapped the idea and that’s a shame.

Y’see, the British press are awfy, awfy guilty o’ turning it’s ain prejudices and opinions intae those o’ the “majority of the public.”

For instance, an alien watching the BBC micht weel come awa’ wae the impressiion that oor Royal Family are some sorta breed o’ superhumans, blessed wae extraordinary abilities and powers far beyond the ken o’ ordinary mortals or, as we call them in Auld Scotia, the punters.

Noo, the latest example o’ this came oan the morning ah wrote this, it being coverage o’ the Royal Family’s Young Team visit tae New Zealand.

Here, Wee Prince George was taken oan his first official engagement tae a Kiwi weans’ nursery where the Beeb’s Royal Correspondent gushed aboot “the extraORDINARY sight of our eight month old Prince actually CRAWLING on the floor!”

Weel; ah dinnae ken aboot you, but it takes mair than an eight month auld bairn daein’ that tae get me reaching fur the wee purple heart pills . Perhaps if he never makes it tae being King, wee Geordie, showing such an early aptitude for crawling, micht find a future career as a BBC Royal Correspondent instead?

Onyway, back tae yon Red Road Flats and the “wave of public outrage” the Beeb assured us has broken oot ower their destruction being the big opener for the Commonwealth Games.

Noo, courting danger o’ sexism accusations here, ah couldnae help but notice that it was maistly wumman - and maistly wumman who’d never actually had tae live in they clarty cowps - who were making the loudest protests.

Y’see, wummen have the disadvantage o’ actually growing up and no’ remaining Big Weans forever like us fellas; y’see, us lads just LOVE tae see things getting blawn up and falling doon!

Wid ah pay tae see a fireworks display opening o’ the Games? Naw. Wid ah pay tae see muckle great skyscrapers getting blasted tae smithereens? You betcha!

Bring the Games tae Lanark, say I, so we can get rid o’ yon b...y Watertower AND Athol Hoose too!

But if they dae a u-turn oan the Red Road Flats, why no’ make it a REAL celebration by locking all the BBC Royal Correspondents in wan o’ the blocks afore setting aff the dynamite?